of the time we overlook the wonders of lids in everyday life. Each
time you shower, thank the many pagan gods above and below for your shampoo
and conditioner lids. These are easily overlooked because more often
then not they are flip-top lids. Not to discount the versatility
of such lids, but they really ought to be distinguished from more traditional
lids because they are in fact an actual inherent part of the container
itself as opposed to a mere accesorry. Flip-top lids are great because
they are harder to lose, however, they are also harder to keep clean and
tidy. Quite frequently I find myself saying, "God damn it all!
Why the fuck is there toothpaste all over the cap? Fucking bitches."
(Yes, "cap" is a pseudonym for lid in many cases.) I also once pondered
the lack of flip-top lids on pots and tubs, but then an epiphany of sorts
struck me dead-on the noggin. It's quite obvious really. Have
you ever had one of those garbage cans with the foot-activated semi-attached
flip-top lids? Those are difficult enough to give even the most
spry young chap an aneurism. Sometimes they don't work at all.
Why the hell are you gonna want a lid on a tub anyhow? That's all
a garbage can is really... a glorified tub. I guess there was a
small contingent at the Flying Mantra 1997 Tub and Pot Convention that
argued mercilessly that shower curtains were in fact "vertical lids,"
but their ammendment was narrowly defeated by a filibuster initiated by
the traditionalists. Nonetheless, the whole garbage-can-with-lid
idea is flawed. Why on earth would any savy tub and pot enthusiast
put a lid on a litter recepticle? The odor problem is a blatant
excuse easily refuted by the simple fact that if you have putrid trash
sitting arround your house, each and every time you open the lid, said
odor will readily proliferate throughout your domicile. Some might
proffer the, "But my fucking dog gets in the trash all the time and
I'm fucking tired of cleaning up little bits of paper and last time he
ate a chickenbone and it got caught in his throat and I had to take him
to the vet at 3 in the morning when I got back from my bridge tournament."
excuse I've got 5 words for those self-delusionists: "Give me a
fucking break!" I mean really, is a lid actually going to stop your
mutt from getting in the garbage? Well, I guess if you get one of
those Rubbermaid Lock-lids, this dilema is easily averted unless you've
got a crafty Great Dane, but who wants to spend $35.00 on a plastic tub?
So in closure, though neither tub nor pot, lids are an integral part of
the containment realm. Do not scoff at your lids lest they up and
leave, making your life a living, stinking hell.